Bruised News

Most Relatable Woman Ever Totals Her Car Over Terrifying Spider On Mirror

In Portland, Oregon, there lives a woman who is very afraid of spiders and very unafraid of car crashes.

Let me explain.

A woman was driving down the road yesterday when a spider, a regular, un-life-threatening arachnid, dropped down from her rearview mirror and surprised her.

In fact, she was so surprised and so afraid of her tiny assailant that she totaled her car. And dont worry, she wasnt hurt, so its okay for me to make fun of her.

Look, am I afraid of spiders?


Do I make unmanly banshee cries when one touches me?


Have I ever peed in the kitchen sink because there was a spider in the bathroom?

Sure, Im just like everyone else.

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